I recently asked adults and teens with autism spectrum diagnoses to share their stories. I'm delighted to say that I've already received one wonderful submission from Ruth, a 23-year-old from Scotland. Ruth was diagnosed with autism as an adult, and her experiences may ring a bell for many readers. If you're a teen or adult on the spectrum - or love someone who is - please feel free to send me your story as well. Here's the info you need to get started!
Ruth's Personal Story
I'm 23 now and I wasn't diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome until I was 21 years old. All my childhood I was told I was too quiet, too shy and too passive.
I was bullied throughout school but it wasn't until I'd left and started training to be a primary teacher at university that I started to have more serious problems. By second year I was getting extremely anxious and began failing my teaching placements. I could interact with the children fine, but just panicked when I had to talk to the teachers and tutors. At the end of my third year I got placed into academic suspension. I went and did Camp America over the holidays but I couldn't cope with trying to be around other people 24/7 and got sent home early.
I ended up basically having a breakdown and turned to a university counsellor for help. She was the first person who seemed to understand me. From there I saw a psychiatrist, was misdiagnosed with social anxiety disorder and spent 10 weeks in the local Priory hospital as a day patient. Being forced through hours of group therapy - 4 hours, 5 days a week - was like torture to me and I ended up developing depression.
I spent the year after seeing the university counsellor and psychiatrist. It was then that my counsellor started noticing I had traits of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) - that I was extremely passive, got very anxious about communicating, didn't cope well with change and had certain sensory hypersensitivities, such as noise and bright light. Several months later she convinced my psychiatrist to refer me to the Autism Resource Centre that provides the diagnostic services for the whole city. After an assessment that stretched over 4 months I was finally diagnosed as having Asperger's Syndrome.
Initially I had very mixed feelings about my diagnosis. Part of me was really happy that I'd finally found out why I was struggling so much and that I wasn't crazy like I was starting to fear! The other part was I guess in denial. I just kept thinking if I am autistic why has it taken 21 years for anyone to notice? My friends and family seemed to be in denial as well. My mum in particular couldn't really process the information and kept saying 'yeah, but it's just mild, isn't it?' I suppose it took me about a year for it to actually sink in. I've always loved working with kids on the autism spectrum and now I know why I can relate to them so much.
The way I like to think about it is: So I have difficulties with social interaction and communication... so what? It doesn't change who I am. I'm still me. I've always been like this.
I have learnt strategies to help me with certain aspects of my autism. Since being diagnosed I no longer feel as guilty turning down the invite to a party or social gathering I know I won't cope with. I wear headphones and listen to my iPod when I am outside to drown out some of the background noises. I carry around earplugs in case the noise level becomes unbearable. I was assessed by an optician who specialises in sensory processing and now wear blue tinted glasses. I also have an 'autism alert' card from my council which I carry with me and can use in an emergency/if I have a meltdown.
It wasn't all good news though. Despite getting my diagnosis of ASD almost 2 years ago, my mental health difficulties didn't magically vanish like I'd been hoping they would. In fact, my problems actually got worse. I was assessed by a psychologist over the course of a horrendous 4 month period. They knew about my ASD and previous social anxiety disorder diagnosis but still insisted that I was perfectly able to communicate my thoughts and feelings by speaking to them- all I had to do was try harder. This of course was complete rubbish and I became so distressed that I was actually suicidal. At this point they decided to tell me that they couldn't help me and that basically they had no idea what to do. I felt completely abandoned. I was passed onto my community mental health team- who also had no clue how to work with someone on the autism spectrum. The past year and a half has been full of ups and downs muddling through sometimes with my community psychiatric nurse and psychiatrist supporting me and other times with me trying to teach them.
I have recently been diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder- Borderline Type (otherwise known as Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD). To say that being both autistic and borderline was easy would be a complete lie. Some days I struggle to get out of bed. It's hard having mental health difficulties on top of being autistic and having communication difficulties. Psychological therapies are designed for people who can talk about their problems, not people like me who become practically mute around professionals!
I really wish that health professionals and the general public had more awareness of what ASD actually is. There needs to be a lot more information out there about older children, teenagers and adults. Autism is a lifelong condition. Autistic children turn into autistic adults. Everyone needs to know how very different two people on the spectrum can be. We're not all sitting in a corner rocking in our own little worlds. Some of us are very successful people and you wouldn't even guess that we have any difficulties at all.
Introducing Ruth, an Adult on the Autism Spectrum originally appeared on About.com Autism on Sunday, July 31st, 2011 at 09:36:23.
